December 25, 2003
Jesus And ________: Fill In The Blanks

The Reverend Donald Sensing of One Hand Clapping has an amusing and timely comparison of Jesus and Santa Claus. Here are some of the lyrics of a bluegrass song on a not entirely dissimilar theme. Without Googling, can you fill in the blanks?

They both know a man in trouble when they see one
They're both willing to listen when he talks
Anger and depression, tearful confessions
Jesus and (1) ________ hear it all
Jesus and (1) ________ hear it all

Well they hear things that men don't tell their wives
Sinful secrets (2) ________ brings to light
One man offers comfort (3) ______ ______ ______
The other only comfort (4) ______ ______ ______

(Repeat first stanza)

Well if you're at the end of you're [sic] rope
Either one will serve you, but just one offers hope

(Repeat first stanza)


  1. bartenders
  2. whiskey
  3. from the cross
  4. on the rocks

The song is "Jesus and Bartenders", by Larry Cordle and Leslie Winn Satcher, performed by Larry Cordle and Lonesome Standard Time on their album Murder on Music Row, Nashville (where else?), 2000. The victim of the title song is of course Country Music. I suspect there may be a double éntendre in the answer to blank #4, with "on the rocks" also meaning "shipwrecked". You can hear bits of this song and others at the band's web-site.

Posted by Dr. Weevil at December 25, 2003 02:03 PM

This would be better as a Mad-Lib(tm).

Left as an exercise to the reader.

Posted by: Sigivald on December 29, 2003 01:12 PM