October 06, 2003
Ancient Forerunners Of PETA

It's been over a year since I quoted any jokes from the Philogelos, an ancient Greek joke-book (here, here, and here). I think we're overdue for another one (103), paraphrased for readability:

Three tenured professors were having a dialogue. The first argued that it is wrong to kill sheep since they provide us with milk and wool. The second argued that it is wrong to kill cows since they provide us with milk and plow our fields. The third argued that it is wrong to kill pigs since they provide us with bacon, ham, and pork chops.

Here's one more from the same collection (108):

A boaster was in the marketplace when he spotted his slaveboy just in from the country. "How are all my sheep doing?" he called out, so everyone would hear him. "One of them is sleeping, and the other is standing up", replied the slaveboy.

And here's a modern sheep joke:

Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?
Because sheep can hear a zipper a mile away.

Posted by Dr. Weevil at October 06, 2003 07:18 PM

Dear Dr. Weevil,

"Three tenured professors" cannot have a "dialogue." I'm surprised at you.

That said, it was very funny.

Posted by: Michelle Dulak on October 7, 2003 12:20 AM

"Tenured professors" is my paraphrase. The Greek word is 'scholastikoi', which could be 'scholar' or 'pointy-headed intellectual' or 'egghead' or maybe even 'poindexter' -- someone with far more book-learning than common sense.

Posted by: Dr. Weevil on October 7, 2003 08:19 AM

Ahh, I think the first commenter was honing in on "di" as in "two".

And if I were a slave boy today, maybe I would reply "Half of them are asleep, but the other one is standing".

Did the slave boy follow with "Any one here from Jersey?"

Posted by: Tom Maguire on October 7, 2003 10:26 AM

Tom: Yep, that's what I meant. Maybe "colloquy"?

Posted by: Michelle Dulak on October 7, 2003 04:32 PM

Being married to a Scot I am privy to the Great Secret:

What does a Scotsman wear under his kilt?

Insect Repellent.

Posted by: MonkeyPants on October 7, 2003 06:24 PM

And ye wonder why I'm sittin' here greetin' ma eyes oot? I'll tell ye.

Ye see thon hoose? Ah built that. Cut the stones oot the grund mahsel, built the whole damnt thing. Dae they call me "Jocky the Builder"? Dae they hang!

And ye see this very road ye're staundin' oan? Two lanes, mind ye! Who the hell dae ye think laid this road? Who was it got up off his erse and turnt a wan-lane twisty coo-track intae this fine straight tarmacadamed highway? Me! That's who. Dae they call me "Jocky the Roadbuilder"? Dae they hell.

Look up. It wis me that put thon phone poles in, strung the cables, and wired us a' up tae the rest o' the wurld. Dae they call me "Jocky the Visionary", or even, help me, "Jocky the Phone Mannie"?

No. Dae they hell.

Wan sheep.
That's a' it took.

Posted by: Hoodie Craw on October 8, 2003 12:55 PM

Which brings to mind another joke:

Q: What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scotsman?

A: Jagger sang "Hey, you, get off of my cloud," while the Scotsman says "Hey, McLeod, get of of my ewe!"

Posted by: BarCodeKing on October 10, 2003 10:42 PM

The tenured professors reminded me of the Jewish stories of the Wise Men of Chelm. One day an argument arose among them as to which celestial body was more important, the Sun or the Moon. Round and round they argued but could come to no decision. Finally they put it up to the wisest among them, the Seven Sages. The Sages deliberated for seven days, then returned with their conclusion; the Moon was more important, since it provided light during the night, when the light was needed. But the Sun comes out only in the day, when it was already light.

Posted by: Michael Lonie on October 12, 2003 02:07 AM

You always love the one you herd.

Posted by: Cronaca on October 15, 2003 01:31 PM