December 17, 2002
Inquiring Minds Want To Know

Warning: Some may find the following post offensive. They are invited to stop reading at this point.

At The Sound and Fury, 'Combustible Boy' brings exciting news from the world of public health:

A FORTY-FOOT-LONG crawl-thru large intestine will be touring the country next year to help promote awareness of colorectal cancer.

The National Colorectal Cancer Awareness Month 2003 site provides pictures, and mentions a 'front door' and a 'back door'. What I want to know is which is which. Is the 'front door' the pyloric or the anal sphincter? Are visitors allowed to enter either end? That seems unlikely, since it's only 4' high: serious blockages would be likely. Are they supposed to enter at the 'bottom' end, like a proctologist's finger? If so, should they put on raincoats first to simulate the rubber glove? Or is the front door at the 'top' or stomach end? In that case they would exit via the rectum, like common turds. Either implied route would be disgusting: perhaps the NCCAM organizers haven't given sufficient thought to the metaphors implied by their project.

My questions are no more tasteless than the exhibit itself, which is not just a colon but a diseased colon (the site includes pictures of cancer and Crohn's Disease). Which reminds me: I once thought of buying a personal enemy a book I found advertised in a remainder catalogue: The Color Atlas of Modern Proctology (only $4.95 in hard cover). I decided against, not because it seemed too cruel -- he deserved far worse -- but because I wasn't sure the book would be sufficiently offensive, and didn't want to open it up before wrapping it to judge the precise level of offensiveness for myself.

We now return to our normal (relatively) tasteful programming. Is it obvious that I've had a bad day at work?

Posted by Dr. Weevil at December 17, 2002 08:03 PM