September 25, 2002
A Mystery Solved!

InstaPundit suggests that the mysterious 'Hesiod' of Counterspin Central is actually Tom Daschle. This seems unlikely, at least to me: my opinion of Daschle's intellect and character is low, but not that low.

'Hesiod' himself (or herself) gives us an important clue (9/24, 06:54:33 AM):

GORE'S SPEECH: Here's the transcript.

It almost looks like I wrote it.

No. I'm not Al Gore. Nor am I one of his advisors or speech writers. I've never met him. I'm not even a Democratic party activist.

I'm just this guy, you know?

That's just a little bit too clever, and lets the cat out of the bag. This post confirms what I have long suspected, that 'Hesiod' is a low-level employee in the basement of the White House or the Pentagon assigned to discredit the anti-war movement by impersonating an unusually rude, stupid, and dishonest opponent of war on Iraq.

What may we plausibly conclude about this loyal Republican munchkin?

  • That he or she has orders not to spend more than 20 minutes on any given post. In this effort, quality is counterproductive.
  • That he or she is paid on a piecework basis, most likely $1.00 for each spelling error, $1.50 for grammatical solecisms, $2.00 for gratuitous insults, $3.00 for stating or implying that specific supporters of war on Iraq are Nazis or animals of some degraded species or other, and $4.00 for non sequiturs, blatantly false accusations of logical error, and similar crimes against the principles of honest debate.
  • That he or she takes home quite a nice paycheck at the end of the day, without having to work too hard.
  • That InstaPundit is in on the plot, since he could hardly be naïve enough to find 'Hesiod' worth linking to as often as he links him.

Of course, WarbloggerWatch and Level Gaze are also false-flag White House operations, similarly designed to support war on Iraq by discrediting the opposition to it. As in one of my favorite novels, I would guess that most, if not all, of the contributors to WarbloggerWatch think that all the rest are sincere opponents of the regime when in fact just about every one is an undercover government agent. The only exceptions -- the only genuine lefties -- are (possibly) Igor Boog and (probably) Roy Edroso. No doubt some in the White House think the 'Philip Shropshire' and 'Dr. Menlo' characters in particular skate a little close to the edge, so that their fakeness would be obvious to any intelligent onlooker. However, comments left on the site suggest that even their over-the-top portrayals of leftie whackjobs are plausible to most other lefties. Unless the supportive comments are also provided by government agents, of course . . . .

(To see the name of the novel to which I refer, just 'select' this paragraph to make the title appear here: G. K. Chesterton, The Man Who Was Thursday. I don't want to 'spoil' it for those who may not have read it yet.)

It is still unclear whether Al Gore is on the White House payroll, or has been replaced by some kind of cybernetic or laboratory-cloned impostor, or has patriotically volunteered to sacrifice his previous reputation for intelligence and decency to help save the Republic from Saddam Hussein's WMDs.

Posted by Dr. Weevil at September 25, 2002 11:13 PM

Well, frankly Weevil, I thought this was a funny bit of satire ... until I read Hesiod's "defense" of Al Gore against the many like Hanks and Michael Kelly who've compared it to his previous speeches.

After reading that incompetent attempt, I must admit your thesis gains much credibility.

Posted by: Robin Roberts on September 25, 2002 11:37 PM

I have long thought that "Hesiod" was the blogger equivalent of an agent provocateur acting on behalf of the Republicans. I must admit, however, that I had imagined him to be somewhat more senior and more important. Well, Dick Cheney to be precise. I have a vision of him, locked up in his secure undisclosed location, whiling the way the time by churning out some of the slickest, most effective counterpropaganda of his generation. Of course, one might be justified in thinking that Hesiod's contributions (I use the term loosely) are too crude for a sophisticated operator such as Cheney, but ask yourself -- what commentary more effectively discredited leftist positions on terrorism/Iraq half so effectively as Hesiod's attempted defenses of them?

Posted by: Haruspex on September 26, 2002 09:23 AM

Ah, now perhaps I can finally get everyone to take a look at my theory that Demothenes is actually just another front for Stephen DenBeste!

Posted by: mike earl on September 26, 2002 12:49 PM

LOL. I just blogged this one, Doc.

Riyadh delenda est!

Posted by: Cato the Youngest on September 26, 2002 04:51 PM

You have not only solved the mystery in true Fr. Brown fashion, but even managed to mention one of my favorite books as well (although not one Brown appears in). Bravo!

Posted by: Mark from Monroe on September 26, 2002 04:54 PM

Very perspicuous of you Dr. Weevil. Some nice men will be at your door shortly. Go quietly and do not make a fuss.

Posted by: A Public Servant on September 26, 2002 10:27 PM

$1.00 for each spelling error
$1.50 for grammatical solecisms
$2.00 for gratuitous insults
$3.00 for stating or implying that specific supporters of war on Iraq are Nazis or animals of some degraded species or other
$4.00 for non sequiturs, blatantly false accusations of logical error, and similar crimes against the principles of honest debate.

Hey, this is a hell of a deal, how do I get a piece of the action?

Posted by: Jabba the Nutt on September 26, 2002 10:53 PM

Like so much good humor, it's funny because it's true.

Posted by: Porphyrogenitus on September 26, 2002 11:37 PM

Ha Ha! Al Gore on the whitehouse payroll... could you just imagine the democrats faces if they read this... whoohoo!

Posted by: ryan carter on September 27, 2002 02:50 AM

Stephen DenBeste is definitely a counter blogger, he might even be Hesiod. He argues his principles(?) so well it is almost a shame he is a dualist pigdog.

Posted by: myguess on September 27, 2002 05:02 PM