August 24, 2002
Animal Analogy Needed

The insufferable 'Hesiod' of Counterspin (no link for him) has a bad habit of referring to those who support war on Iraq as "chickenbloggers". He seems to thinks this is witty, as witty as calling me "Dr. [E]vil". (Hint: my assumed name is an obvious variation on 'Dr. Evil'. Restoring the original isn't witty. Calling Steven Chapman (formerly 'Daddy Warblogs') "Daddy Warbucks" would be equally stupid.)

Speaking hypothetically, if we were to descend to Hesiod's level and use similarly offensive language to refer to him, the boys (and they are all boys) at WarbloggerWatch, and their various friends and allies, what would be the most appropriate single-word description involving an animal analogy? Here are the possibilities that occur to me just now:

  • The most obvious choice, 'turkeybloggers', can be ruled out, since there is already a TurkeyBlog, and it's quite a good one. No need to insult Geoffrey Barto, or defame the good name of the wild turkey, admired by patriotic Americans from Ben Franklin (who proposed it as the national bird) to R. Emmett Tyrrell, Jr. (who has one on the masthead of The American Prowler).
  • Along the same lines, 'goosebloggers' or 'duckbloggers' (if it talks like a duckblogger, . . .) might do.
  • Given the artfulness (to put it politely) of their argumentation, I lean towards 'weaselbloggers', at least until I can think of something better.
  • Perhaps 'jackalbloggers' or 'hyenabloggers'? They do very little but pick over the leftovers from the intellectual feasts provided by bloggers.
  • Something could probably be done with a reptilian metaphor, though nothing springs (slithers?) to mind.
  • Perhaps something could be done with a toad or other amphibian? Not a newt, obviously: that would be way too confusing.
  • Then there are arthropods and molluscs: fleas, flies, ticks, slugs -- the possibilities are nearly endless. (Weevils are already taken.)

Again, the comments are open.

Extra Credit: When asked to answer a hypothetical question, who said "Sorry, I don't speak Hypothetical"?

Posted by Dr. Weevil at August 24, 2002 09:20 PM

How about Cuckoobloggers? Aside from the obvious pun, one could consider the lifestyle of Cuculus canorus. It's a brood parasite, which means that it does not rear its own young. The Cuckoo instead lays its egg in the nest of another species, where it usually hatches before the host eggs. Once the cuckoo has hatched, it will eject the other eggs or young so that it will receive all the food brought by its unaware foster parents.

There's also Molothrus ater, but "Brown-headed CowbirdBloggers" doesn't really have the same ring.

Posted by: bigwig on August 24, 2002 11:49 PM

Unless we ask how they got to be "brown-headed", of course. You know, like "brown-nosing", only more impacted, if you get my drift . . . .

Posted by: Dr. Weevil on August 25, 2002 12:01 AM

You could capitalize on both the inherent pun and the reference to not-so-intelligent domesticated birds in "fowlbloggers."

"Duckbloggers" gets my vote. After all, it's what they'd do if we actually we to war. "Oh no, those lovely Iraqis are -- gasp -- shooting at us! Quick, everyone duck before we get hurt!"

Posted by: Sarah on August 25, 2002 01:55 AM

How about "borebloggers"?

Posted by: Andrea Harris on August 25, 2002 03:00 AM

I wonder if Mac would complain if we called them snakeheadbloggers? Are they not an ugly, exotic species that we dread to find in our local chautauqual waters? They do tend to take the life out of any intelligent discussion they enter. And, of course, the illusion to James Carville is precious.

Another proposal, not so witty, is skunkbloggers. My limited experience with them is that they leave a stench that last for days.

The extra credit question sounds recent. Was it Bush or Rumsfeld?

Posted by: charles austin on August 25, 2002 09:13 AM

No, a fictional character on a popular television series (not The Simpsons).

Posted by: Dr. Weevil on August 25, 2002 09:24 AM

I suggest "Trollbloggers," in light of the old Usenet term "troll," meaning, a twit who makes provocative and/or stupid posts just to try to piss people off. Fighting one is pointless because their only objective is to get you to fight with them. They're "trolling" for angry responses.

There is also an old apellation from my GEnie days, "Energy Creature." An Energy Creature is a person who posts messages that are stupidly provocative, who will say almost anything with the sole intention of arousing anger, sadness, or other forms of pain. It is inspired by the old Star Trek (original series) episode where an "energy creature" trapped a bunch of Klingons and Federation crewman on the Enterprise, took all their advanced weapons away, and prodded them into constantly fighting in hand-to-hand combat. The Energy Creature then fed off their anger and rage and pain. They only defeated it by laughing at it and ignoring it.

"DNFTC" was the warning people used to remind themselves of this type of creature: Do Not Feed The Energy Creature. Spreading this meme would likely do a great deal of good to silencing these people, and simply calling them "Energy Creatures" would help do that.

I like "Boreblogger" and might also suggest "Whorebloggers," but, alas, it might be turned back at you, especially given the "Media Whores Online" people. "Boreblogger Botchers" or just "BoreBotchers" might work.

If it must be biological, "spore" might be okay.


I dunno man. I say, Do Not Feed The Energy Creature (DNFTC).

Posted by: Dean Esmay on August 25, 2002 11:47 AM

How about LeftChikenWingBloggers?

Posted by: Doubting Thomas on August 25, 2002 11:54 AM

How about [corrected] LeftChickenWingBloggers?

Posted by: Doubting Thomas on August 25, 2002 11:55 AM

How about Ostrichbloggers? Given that their attitude seems to be, "Hey, let's try to ignore reality and maybe it will go away and stop hurting us! If we pretend everything is nice, it will be."

Posted by: Murti Bing on August 25, 2002 01:36 PM

The extra credit answer must be the West Wing POTUS played by Martin Sheen. I have no way of knowing since I never watch the show, but it sounds like some self-important (and untrue) thing Aaron Sorkin would have him say.

Posted by: charles austin on August 25, 2002 03:58 PM

Sorry, no: it was a character known only as "the fat Ferengi" on Star Trek: Next Generation. After Cmdr. Riker roughed him up, he became much more cooperative.

Posted by: Dr. Weevil on August 25, 2002 05:07 PM

Don't Feed the Energy Creature by giving it a name.

I have a question: Is Sgt. Stryker a chickenblogger? What about Andrew Olmstead, who's an Army officer, or Rottweiler, who's a veteran? Or Bruce Rolston, who's a Canadian officer? How about those of us who Uncle Sam doesn't want?

If the U.S. military needed untrained 50-year-old women, I'd be honored to help liberate Iraq. I could fight to the death in that ditch with Bill Clinton. Well, no. I'd demand my own ditch.

Posted by: Joanne Jacobs on August 25, 2002 07:26 PM

Can we call them "dumbasses"?

After all, an ass is an animal . . .

Then again, perhaps the asses would take offense at being compared to the morons who run WBW.

Posted by: Pejman Yousefzadeh on August 25, 2002 08:02 PM

I like calling them either dumbasses or ostritchbloggers. Dumbasses, because, well, they are dumbasses. Ostritchbloggers, because they obviously have their heads in the sand, and/or other places where the sun doesn't shine.

Riyadh delenda est!

Posted by: Cato the Youngest on August 25, 2002 10:18 PM

Right, the fat Ferengi. Alas, what he actually said is a bit different. Here's a link:

Posted by: fred on August 25, 2002 11:42 PM

I'd have to vote with Dean for accuracy in definition on this one. Although "ostrichbloggers" is apt too, and "dumbasses" gets the job done nicely as well.

Posted by: on August 26, 2002 07:53 AM

What's wrong with the name Navin Johnson (as played by Steve Martin) gave his dog?

Posted by: Terry Oglesby on August 26, 2002 02:20 PM

How about squirrelbloggers...squirrels spend all their useless time gathering "nuts", they're annoying as hell...and they only look good when smeared as butter across asphalt...

Posted by: Darth Monkeybone on August 26, 2002 04:35 PM

I used the term "heckle-blogger" in a recent altercation with somebody from WBW ... but I prefer to rely on whatever poetic description springs to mind at the time. His response was unrepeatable, and colorful only in the sense that vomit is colorful. How about "Chunder-blogger"?

Posted by: Glen Wishard on August 26, 2002 09:41 PM


Posted by: Michael Lonie on August 27, 2002 12:51 AM

We're overlooking the obvious:

They are not some new exotic species, they are merely the same old, boring, ineffectual surrender monkeys, albeit now with a group blog.

Heck, some of them may even be cheese-eating, for all I know....

Posted by: Mac on August 27, 2002 01:43 PM