If anyone was wondering, the Latin word for 'weasel' is mustela, with a long e. The first syllable rhymes with 'puss' or 'wuss', the second with 'fail' or 'wail', the third is a short 'ah', like the A at the end of Spanish 'casa'. The accent is on the second syllable. The word is actually broader than English 'weasel', and refers to a "weasel, polecat, or similar quadruped" (Oxford Latin Dictionary). It is feminine: the Latin names of most undomesticated animals are usually either masculine or feminine, no matter what the gender of the individual beast.

The first mention of a weasel in Latin is in Plautus, the earliest Roman author whose works survive in more than fragments. His seldom-read (even by classicists) comedy Stichus includes these lines (499-500) from the parasite Gelasimus ('Mr. Laughable'):

certum est mustelae posthac numquam credere
nam incertiorem nullam novi bestiam.

I'll never trust a weasel after this, that's settled,
for I know no beast more unreliable.

Plautus loves alliteration (lots of Ts in the first line and Ns in the second) and word-play (certum, 'settled', and incertiorem, 'unreliable' are etymologically related).

This may sound like the perfect description of certain members of the UN, EU, and NATO, but Gelasimus isn't talking about the moral character of weasels. At the beginning of the scene he saw a weasel with a mouse in its mouth and took that as an omen indicating that he would be invited to a lavish dinner by his patron. He has just been told that the other guests are far too important for him to get anywhere near them. Of course, we can always take the quotation out of context and apply it to anyone we please.

In his Natural History (29.60), Pliny the Elder reports that the gall of the wild weasel is effective against asps. He doesn't say whether it repels them, or cures their bites, or what. I'm sure it's a coincidence that the U.S. Air Force has (or had) a Wild Weasel, an "aircraft that has been modified to identify, locate and physically suppress or destroy ground-based enemy air defense systems" (more details here).

Scientifically, the weasel family (Mustelidae) includes five subfamilies, one each for skunks, otters, badgers, and honey badgers, and one (Mustelinae) for weasels, ferrets, stoats, polecats, martens, fishers, and wolverines -- also (much pleasanter, at least when they're dead) sables, ermines, and minks. I think an ermine and a stoat are the same thing, but web-sources are not entirely clear on this point.

Favorite weasel fact:

Like snakes, weasels are not found in Ireland.

Favorite non-Plautine weasel quotation:

"Stories of aggressive gangs of weasels marauding the countryside have been perpetuated by fictional tales like The Wind in the Willows." (The Mammal Society)

Books that you probably already know if you care enough about weasels and their cousins to want to read a whole book about them:

King, C. (1989) The Natural History of Weasels and Stoats. Christopher Helm, London.
Sleeman, P. (1989) Stoats and Weasels, Polecats and Martens. Whittet Books, London.

I suspect that King and Sleeman were each a bit peeved when they found that someone else had also published a whole book about weasels in the same year. It can't have helped sales for either author.

If anyone is wondering how to say 'Axis of Weasels' in Latin, that is a complex question. Axis Mustelarum won't do, because Latin axis means 'axle' or 'axis' (as in the earth's axis) or sometimes 'sky', but is not used to refer to political alliances. 'Conspiracy of Weasels' would be Coniuratio Mustelarum or Coniuratio Mustelina. I prefer the latter, which includes a slight play on words: literally it means 'Weasely Alliance', which could mean that the members are weasels, or act weaselly, or both. Perhaps best of all would be Foedus Mustelarum, a 'Pact' or 'Treaty of Weasels'. The noun foedus is related to 'federal' and 'federation'. There is also an unrelated adjective foedus that means 'foul, loathsome, ghastly, unclean, repulsive, hideous, monstrous, horrible, beastly, disgraceful, vile, coarse, foul, low, obscene', and so on (unabridged dictionaries give even more equivalents). Since the noun is neuter, a Filthy (or whatever) Treaty would be a Foedus Foedum.

There is one more possibility. The alliance of Caesar, Pompey, and Crassus, and the later alliance of Mark Antony, Octavian (the later Augustus), and Lepidus, were both known as triumvirates, since each consisted of three men (tres viri). An alliance of three weasels could presumably be a 'triummustelate', but that sounds awkward. It's tempting to match up the members. France is obviously Mark Antony, too busy working on his love life to defend his half of the empire. Belgium must be Lepidus, the junior partner whose name everyone tends to forget. That would make Germany Octavian, youthful heir to Julius Caesar. Not a military genius like his great-uncle, but just as ruthless and ambitious in a cold-hearted way. In the original competition, Octavian won. See, anyone can play the game of historical parallels!

Thus endeth today's lesson.